The welding room. Stage 2

So the room was cleared, we had our very own space for our welding station. Our next mission was to paint the rom. What a great morning once again. The service users worked hard... We had minimal resources for paint but we made the best of what we had. Electric bue and cream. We decided that the combination of colours was very INDUSTRIOUS.

This is the room before the paint was done.... Seemed like a daunting task ahead as the walls were high and we had no ladders. The service users took initiative and attached the roller paintbrushes to broom sticks so that they could reach higher up. This project was allowing the the oppurtunity to problem solve, to make decisions and very importantly- think positively. They were contributing to a great project for NPC. This group of service users will always be remembered for the legacy that they leave behind, and that being this incredible welding room station.

Thes unfinished sun that can be seen in the picture is a mosaic of mirror pieces that we found in the room during the clean up of it. We used the mirror pieces to construct this masterpiece sun. It is not finisehed yet and will be completed by one of the service users. The sun is symbolic for obviously, LIGHT. A beautiful saying that goes with this metaphor of the sun is.... "Turn your face towards the sun and the shadows will fall behind you." This is so beautiful and rings so true in the lives of the service users. Turning away from their dark ways of substance abuse and looking towards the sun as the try to change their lives for the better, leaving behing the shadows that took control of their lives.

The infamous welding room-beginning stages

Students at NPC had a dream at the beginning of their practical block. It was develop a vocational rehabilitation centre... The dream was there and the fire in our hearts was ignited. We wanted this dream to happen. No matter what. Imagine the endless possibilities for the service users at NPC! Substance dependenence can have a very strong influence from lack of employment, or unconstructive use of leisure time. If we could provide the oppurtunity for the service users to develop skills in different areas of work, to develop work habits, to explore leisure oursuits that they have never been exposed to or had the oppurtunity with work with. The project was a great idea but very daunting at the same time. Could we pull it off?? With the encouragement and passion from our supervisor, we have begun the project... And it is finally coming together. Through hours of delibiration, and concept formations on how to get this project going, e-mail after e-mail at all hours of the day, phonecall after phonecall, hours of hard work such as CLEARING OUT AN ENTIRE WORKSHOP ROOM that has not been opened for 10 years!Which brings me to my blog story... The infamous welding room, the beginning stages. One of our stations for the vocational rehabilitation project is a welding room. What we needed ( and thought we did not have at NPC) was a welding room, a welding machine, safety equipment, welding rods and metal. Megan's brother, a mechanic came to our rescue and provided us with a welder, the safety equipment and the welding rods. It was a wish come true!!! Only to come back to NPC, to find a welding machine and equipment. We were mortified, HOWEVER, we took it our stride and saw it as an oppurtunity to have even more equipment AND it was a major positive because all our talk on welding and bringing in a temporary welding machine-it had sparked interest amongst the service users and the old welder re-surfaced. It was encouraging because we had stirred interest in the project. We needed metal, which we hoped to get from selling all the scarp metal in the junkyard. Through numerous attempts, meetings and phonecalls, we were unsuccessful but we will now be able to use the scrap metal to make items in the vocational rehabilitation project. All we needed now was a room... There was a workshop door that had not been opened for ten years. what was behind that door, we did not know. We had to get one of the service users to cut the lock for us because the key had been lost. As Megan opened the door, the sight that net her eyes and the eyes of her service user caused great panic as they quickly tried to close the door before the supervisor got any ideas... they were too late. Our supervisor ran to the door, took one look and proceeded to take out a dust consumed fan, one of anout 100 dust infested fans, and took it out. That was her way of telling us... "Ok let's start clearning."

This was the room before we tackled the cleaning. A saying that rings so true to this whole adventure is... "a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." We all mustered up the courage and began clearing out this room. It was hard work, we were full of dust, and my sinuses took a beating, but IT WAS SO WORTH IT! We had a room for our welding station. The supervisor, the students and service users worked hard TOGETHER. It was a great afternoon.

And finally... all was cleared out and the room was empty. We could now make it our own. Which is the next part of the project- painting the room and making it a real welding room. To see the end product of the huge project that was the welding room, is going to be so encouraging and heart warming. In a small way, the 3rd year students of 2012 are leaving NPC with a brilliant idea and concept of vocational rehabilitation. I cannot wait for the room to be finsihed!!

Story of a drug addict

12 September marked a very special day in the life of 35 OT students and one very special service user from NPC. This service user is a Mandrax drug addict with a heartbreaking story of rejection, hatred, and a longing to be somebody in a communtiy riddled with drug dealers and drug users... His story is so deep and personal yet he came to share it with my entire class. This service user has been working with me for 7 weeks now. 3 weeks of detox and 4 weeks of intervention. We will call him Mr K* Mr K is a 19 year old man who came to NPC (Newlands Park Centre) with the idea that he will just come to rehab and prove to his family that he can stop using drugs, stay for a few weeks and the return to his family clean and just do his drug dealing and taking drugs behind his family's back. But something happened in the few weeks at NPC. A very short time but his mindset changed. I met Mr K in his 3rd week. During our initial interview, he did not want to look me in the eye. He was ashamed and had extremly low self esteem. He tells me now, a few weeks later, that his impression of me was- "what does this girl know about being a drug addict?!" I am so glad his perspective changed. As the weeks went on, Mr K emerged as a leader in the group sessions, he ws beginning to look people in the eye and he was an active participant in group and individual activities. Mr K came to my class with a twinkle in his eye. He was so honoured to be asked to come and speak. He spoke with confidence and pride in how far he has come. Girls in our class were brought to tears. He told us how far he had come, his fears for the future and how he wants to help other people that are in his situation. I think the tears were brought on by the pure heartache of his story and the absolute power of conviction and truth in his message. we were all rooting for his recovery. He changed so many perspectives of OT in our class. So many students afterwards had their "aha" moments. Finally, we can see how OT can help people and potentially save lives. It was a beautiful day of realisation and such an incredible milestone and accomplishment for Mr K. i went home that day and cried as i reflected on what he had to say. I reflected on how unfair and harsh life is but how incredible humans are to come back from such hardship. he said something so amazing that touched all of our hearts. He said that today as he speaks to my class, that he finally loves who he is becoming. He didn't recognise this person because all that he knew was the drug addict who was trying to be someone doing bad things. And finally, he loves this person he is becoming. So incredible. Drug addiction is a scary world. It involves death and violence and stealing. It's a dark place to be in where your whole life becomes consumed by the NEED for the drug of choice. "There is a difference between a drug user and a drug addict. Increasingly people are referred to as junkies. A junkie is a user whose drug addiction is so far advanced; that life is simply not possible without a daily dose of drugs. To get a dose, a junkie is willing to do almost anything: lie, steal, manipulate and blackmail. These features develop in the course of the increasingly progressive drug addiction." (http://drug-addiction.co.za/) Help lines for people with drug addictions: Call: + 27 (0) 79 604 4249 082 450 4414

The service user told us an interesting story with a strong message: There was a wise old man living in a community. All the members of the community would come to this old wise man and he had the answers for everything. He knew everything. A little boy in the community decided to test this wise man. The young boy caught a bird, alive in his hands, he put it behind his back and went to the wise man. He said: "Is the bird behind my back alive or dead?" The wise man knowing the young boy would crush the bird to death if the man said it was alive, and would let it live if the wise man said it was dead. The wise man looked at the young boy and said: "The life of that bird rests firmly in your hands." the moral of the story being that our lives are in our hands, only we can make those life and death choices for our lives.

A Beautiful Mind, my movie essay for psychopathology

“Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart.” John Nash, a pure genius of his time. John Nash, a misunderstood man with a brilliant mind that “falls prey” to the clutches of delusions and hallucinations characterised by the illness, schizophrenia. This movie is captivating as the viewer learns of this illness in a devastatingly heart warming way. The viewers are shown the long and hard journey of John Nash suffering with schizophrenia. The opening quote to this essay shows the epitome of what got John Nash through the illness, love. “A Beautiful Mind” is based on a true story on the life of John Nash. John Nash was a very peculiar man with a brilliant mind. He was a genius of his time. We see John Nash as he progresses from being a student to becoming a lecturer working at Princeton University. We follow the life of John Nash as the disease progresses. It is interesting as we see when there is change or stress in Nash’s life; this is when the symptoms of the disorder are most prominent. These events that cause stress or anxiety in his life are when he is in search of “the original idea” and when he meets a girl that he has thoughts of marrying. This daunting time of life changing decisions is where we see the symptoms worsening. Even towards the end of the movie in Nash’s old age, where he returns to his university after many years, we see Nash’s anxiety and the delusions and hallucinations cause him to have an extreme episode. His wife reminds him then, and the viewers of the movie are brought into awareness that stressful times trigger the delusions. Alicia, Nash’s wife: “You know stress triggers the delusions.” “Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder (or a group of disorders) marked by severely impaired thinking, emotions and behaviours.” (Medical dictionary). It is characteristic of hallucinations and delusions that affect the daily living and occupation of those that suffer with the illness. The subtype of schizophrenia that John Nash is presenting with is Paranoid Schizophrenia. Paranoid schizophrenia is a pre-occupation with one or more delusions or frequent auditory hallucinations. In the beginning of the movie, we are introduced to the peculiar character of John Nash. A strange and somewhat socially inept man that is a genius. He is dubbed “the mysterious West Virginia genius”. John Nash attends Princeton University, and he is in search of his “original idea.” His goal is to “Find a truly original idea. It is the only way I will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter.” The viewers of the movie are unaware of his illness at this time. We only get to see the socially withdrawn man with very peculiar ways. He does not fit in easily. “I don’t like people much, and they don’t like me.” We are introduced to Nash’s roommate at the beginning of the movie, Charles Herman. It is very interesting as to how the movie only allows the viewer to see that Charles Herman, Charles’ niece Marcie as well as William Parcher, who works as a spy for the department of defence, are all hallucinations that John Nash is experiencing after we have been introduced to them. Before we know that Charles is a delusion, there is dramatic irony in what Charles says to Nash: “Nothing's ever for sure, John. That's the only sure thing I do know.” Only once Dr Rosen intervenes and takes Nash to a psychiatric hospital do we find out that Nash’s peculiar behaviours are due to the schizophrenia and some of the people that he has met, are in fact, delusions and hallucinations. As we find out that he has the illness, one can start putting the pieces together slowly. The fact that only Nash speaks to Charles and that he does not feature in any conversations with the other university members such as Martin. John Nash does not realise that he has the illness even though he is admitted to a psychiatric hospital. He still tries to convince his wife that they are in danger. He says to her when she comes to visit: “We have to talk quietly. They might be listening.” His wife, Alicia cannot believe that he is so pre-occupied or believes with all that he is, that he is working for the US government. She tells him that none of it is real. She proves this to him by showing him all the unopened letters that he drops off at the US Defence headquarters. She informs him of his illness. “It’s in your mind. You’re sick.” He walks away from her in disbelief. The next scene, we see John Nash in his room in the hospital on the floor. It is a terrifying and graphic scene as he is tearing away at his skin on his forearm searching for the barcode that the US defence force inserted into his arm. He looks extremely distresses as he cannot find it. “I can’t find it, it’s gone.” This is the first time that Nash becomes aware that the things that he thought was his reality, are in fact, not real. Dr Rosen says it so perfectly when he speaks of Nash’s condition to Alicia while Nash is receiving Electroconvulsive Therapy. It epitomises what schizophrenics must go through. “Imagine if you suddenly learned that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse, had never been. What kind of hell would that be?” This quote allows the viewers of this movie to sympathise with Nash. Everything that he was and believed, all that he saw and was working for, all turned out to not be real. Nash is put on medication to help alleviate the symptoms of schizophrenia being the hallucinations and delusions. We see how the medication has a saddening affect on Nash. The side effects include Nash not being able to work properly, a decreased sex drive and his inability to take care of his baby boy properly. This sends Nash into a spiral has he decided to stop taking his medication. The effect of non compliance to medication is seen in a devastating manner. Nash begins to have the hallucination and delusions in full force. He begins to see codes that he needs to break and the delusions come back, Charles Herman, Marcie and William Parcher. His illness becomes out of control and his wife is oblivious to this as Nash is so careful not to tell her what is going on for “her own protection.” We come to the climax of the movie when Nash puts his baby’s life in danger as well as acts out and pushes his wife to the floor unintentionally. He is left to bath his son while Alicia goes outside to hang up the washing, still unaware that Nash is no longer taking his medication. She discovers the cottage outside has all the evidence that Nash is once again, having delusions and hallucinations, possibly worse than the first time as we see the walls covered with magazine articles and codes. She runs inside the house to find the baby almost being covered completely with water, and Nash says “Charles was watching him. He’s ok.” This scene is devastatingly terrifying as we see the very harmful and dangerous affects of schizophrenia. How one can become completely pre-occupied with these delusions. The horrifying scene continues as Alicia tries to phone the psychiatrist and Nash’s delusion of William Parcher pulls out a gun threatening to shoot Alicia. Nash tries to “protect” her, resulting in him pushing her over while she is holding the baby. She leaves the house. And Nash is confronted with all three of his delusions in the room. It is obvious that a few years have passed yet Marcie remains the same age. He comes to this realisation and it is the first time, without medication that Nash gains insight into his disorder. It is the first time he realises that he is seeing delusions. He runs out to Alicia- “She never gets old! Marcie can't be real, she never gets old!” Nash comes to realise his illness. This is very difficult for schizophrenic patients as many lack great insight into their condition. This is also one of the reasons one might not be compliant with medication. They believe that they are better and therefore stop the medication or like Nash experienced, the side effects begin to affect their daily living. Nash comes to a conclusion about his schizophrenia. “It’s a problem with no solution. It’s what I do.” He does not want to take medication, he is now aware of his condition and he wants to take control of it. Dr Rosen tries to reason with him by saying he can’t control this with his mind. Dr. Rosen: “You can't reason your way out of this!” Nash: “Why not? Why can't I?” Dr. Rosen: “Because your mind is where the problem is in the first place!” This comment from Dr Rosen rings true for all schizophrenic cases. It is a disorder of the mind that cannot be changed, but only supported or the symptoms of the condition can be treated as long as the patient continues to take the medication. It is a psychiatric disorder with major social and occupational dysfunction. This dysfunction needs to be managed. We see in Nash’s life how the social and occupational dysfunction is extremely evident. He is socially inept and he cannot do his work correctly because he is pre-occupied with the work of the US defence force. His interpersonal relationships are also affected as his relationship with his wife becomes strained as well as the fact that he has kept no friends or fails to make friends. We then see a beautiful scene between Nash and Alicia that epitomises her love for him, and we see how Nash is going to try control his illness. It all comes down to deciding what is real and what is not. Alicia: “You want to know what's real. This... “[putting her hand on his heart and his hand on her face] “... this is real.” Nash returns to his university, Princeton. He approaches his former rival, but someone who considered Nash as one of his friends- Martin. Nash approaches him saying- “Alicia and I think that fitting in, being part of a community might do me some good.” The stress and anxiety of returning to the place where his delusions first become is extremely daunting for him and the stress triggers his delusions once again stronger than ever. He has an embarrassing episode where Martin intervenes and tells him it’s ok. Nash is consoled when Martin says he will ask if Nash can return to lecturing. Nash returns the classroom. We see a very interesting thing happened at this point. We learn here how Nash controls his delusions and hallucinations. They are always present in his life, he can see and hear them all the time but he chooses to ignore them. This is evidence of incredible insight into his condition, and how much power the mind has to take hold of these delusions and let them go. Nash develops a sense of humour about his condition with his students that he affectionately calls- “the eager young minds of tomorrow.” In a humorous dialogue, Nash turns to one of his students when Thomas King approaches Nash. Nash: “Can you see him?” Student: Yeah. Nash: “Okay. I am always suspicious of new people. Now that I know you're real, who are you, and what can I do for you?” In two instances, Nash expresses how the delusions and hallucinations are still omnipresent in his life even many years after he had been diagnosed. The one being when he is talking to an old colleague and friend, Hansen. Nash: “They are my past. Everyone is haunted by their past. I've gotten used to ignoring them and I think, as a result, they've kind of given up on me. I think that's what it's like with all our dreams and our nightmares, Martin, we've got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive.” Towards the end of the movie, Nash has a conversation with Tomas King where he yet again expresses how he controls the delusions and hallucinations. “I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them. Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream.” Thomas King approaches Nash informing him that he has been chosen for the Nobel Prize. This is an extremely prestigious award and Nash’s taken aback by this incredible honour. He enters the hall at the university with Thomas King and they have tea. Nash is apprehensive as he had not been back in that room for many years. They are engaged in conversation when professors in the hall start walking up to Nash and giving him their pens. This is a sign of utmost respect for another professor. He is touched, and expresses in the only way he knows how. “That was certainly most unexpected.” We fast forward to the awards evening of the Nobel Prize. Nash has been awarded with the Nobel. He is in his old age and dedicates his speech to his wife. “What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. I have made the most important discovery of my career - the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons. Thank you.” This moment epitomises for me the importance of having a support system for a schizophrenic patient. It is not their fault that they have this disorder, and through the love and commitment from Nash’s wife, the professionalism from R Rosen and the support of Nash’s friends perhaps could have been important factors in part of his functioning as a normal person in society. A Beautiful Mind, inspired by a true story gives one insight into the hardships of being a schizophrenic and being the family of a schizophrenic. We are introduced to the symptoms of schizophrenia, possible treatment methodologies, and the complications of non compliance to medication and the devastating effects of living with this condition. It is a beautifully heart warming movie that allows one to empathise with those living with schizophrenia.

A personal perspective shift

This is a more personal blog entry. I sit here at my computer with tears running down my face as I come to one of the biggest realisations of my short life. Everything that I have been through in my life was for a specific purpose. Life hasn’t been all roses for me... it’s been tough. I have questioned a lot in my life... why me. Why my family. Doubting the God I had so much faith in. Doubting why I am here. Starting to believe there is no purpose, bad stuff just happens to good people. We’re all here from some crazy coincidence that was never meant to happen. But no. Today my perspective has been shifted. I see the light in so many different ways. We were created for purpose! There was always a small voice inside telling me that “one day I will understand why things happen.” It was such a small voice in my subconscious and today... it resounds with great volume in every corner of my heart. Everything that I have been through has been for a purpose. My dad being a drug addict and my family falling apart because of it... the hurt, confusion and pain all lead up to the events in my life. Me leaving Cape Town, coming to Durban, meeting a little boy with Down Syndrome, being introduced to OT because of it, applying for OT, being a 3rd year student at Newlands Park Centre, being a student to my supervisor who has challenged and motivated every aspect of my potential, meeting my service user who I have, in the smallest tiniest way, had an impact on. Him coming to speak to my whole class with all the confidence in the world. His story met up with mine today. Without his story, without the pain I have been through in life... my perspective would never have changed. The service user put it so wonderfully... he said that he believes that if he hadn’t come to rehab now, been there for 7 weeks already... if he had only come to the rehab on the 1st of October, he doesn’t think he would be alive today. Everything happened so that he could be at the rehab at the right time. His pain, suffering, hate and hurt all led to today where he stepped up and found a part of himself that he is learning to love. How beautiful is that? All of that led to today. Today where he shared his life story, changed his life today and today where so many OT students lives were changed and today, where my perspective has changed so incredibly. My dad, all the pain, hurt, suffering, heart ache, losses, deaths and hitting rock bottom has lead him on a path to self discovery and purpose where he is now touching the lives of addicts. If it had not been for my dad’s pain, hurt, suffering, heart ache, losses, deaths, hitting rock bottom and his addiction... perhaps the lives that have been changed by him would never have been changed. Their lives met up on this crazy path of life and I am so inspired by it. So overwhelmed by the magnitude of this crazy life and why things happen. I know, with all the faith in my heart, that I will come to understand and gain incredible perspective through my life events and how my life events will meet up with others life events and create a beautiful story of life and purpose.

NPC Braai day :)

On the 31st of August, the #rd year students decided to have a braii at NPC. And what an incredible experience it was. This was part of our treatment and our main goal was to allow the service users to have a social event with a group of people, having fun, without the need for alcohol or drugs to enjoy themselves. It was a fantastic afternoon. One of the service users brought out his guitar and strummed and sang a few songs. Many of the service users joined in and the students were entertained by the service users which almost brought me to tears. To see a very different side to these "hard core" men who have had to deal with such great obstacles, was so incredibly heart warming. We were entertained with a rap, with songs, with jokes and some thank you speeches. To say that the morning was a success, was truly refelcted in our minds when not only were the service users hearts touched, but so were ours. They were grateful for the surprise of a braiai and the fact that the students had dug into their own pockets to make it happen. When a group of guys have been subjected to feeling of neglect, negativity, abandonment, a deep longing to be with their loved ones at home... this braiai was able to lift up their spirits and keep them going for the next little while. I think it was also a realisation that we as students, are not there just to get the marks... we're there to help and make a difference. The group emerged that day as stronger than beofre. All hostil;ity and passed fights were forgotten as we all enjoyed each other's company. One service user stood up and said that these group of men are now his brothers. Allowing the oppurtunity for this to be said and comments alike, in a comfortable and relaxed environment, was important for their treatment. I think they can now have a sense of belonging to something more than just their recovery. They are there to help one another. To pick each other up when someone falls. It was an important day. And a successful and motivat8ing one for not only the service users, but for the students too. We have never been more motivated to start up the vocational rehab project. It is so great to have this motivation. This prac has changed my view of OT in so many ways and i am so grateful for it! :)